


A Common Urge

by renegadejaybird (vitious)



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-11
Updated: 2011-12-11
Packaged: 2017-10-27 04:35:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/291687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vitious/pseuds/renegadejaybird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rage.  Only one other time in his life had he ever felt such gratuitous amounts of overwhelming emotion, and that had been to defend his father.  Slowly he lifted a hand, staring down at it for a long moment then slowly flexed his hand, still able to feel the frantic pulse against it.  However even to himself he couldn’t deny that beneath the fading anger, behind the rising horror, there was an alien desire that had made him pull away, one which sent alarm through his form like a bolt of electricity.  He’d relinquished control of the Enterprise and retreated to the Transporter room, opting to focus on his grief and anger instead of his alarming revelation; there was only so much he could handle at a time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Common Urge

Rage. Only one other time in his life had he ever felt such gratuitous amounts of overwhelming emotion, and that had been to defend his father. Slowly he lifted a hand, staring down at it for a long moment then slowly flexed his hand, still able to feel the frantic pulse against it. However even to himself he couldn’t deny that beneath the fading anger, behind the rising horror, there was an alien desire that had made him pull away, one which sent alarm through his form like a bolt of electricity. He’d relinquished control of the Enterprise and retreated to the Transporter room, opting to focus on his grief and anger instead of his alarming revelation; there was only so much he could handle at a time.

Spock felt slightly more at peace after speaking with his father, but that simply caused his thoughts from before to rear their head. They only quieted when he marched back to the bridge to offer assistance, went away for a time as they launched their assault on Nero. It was all business, not lingering glances, no room for mistakes. However after they escaped certain death, after the adrenaline had fled all of their veins, the desire appeared again, suddenly, with an intensity that almost staggered him.

They began their slow journey back to earth then, and Spock opted to depart the bridge, aiming for the transporter room again. However a hand caught his shoulder and he nearly stopped breathing when he turned and there he was, smiling that infuriating smile. The only thing he was glad of in that moment was that he had a great deal more control than humans did when it came to emotions and that this man was not capable of reading him… Yet.

“Walk with me.” Kirk murmured, clapping his shoulder before striding down the hallway, confident as usual.

Spock hesitated for a breath before nodding to himself and following the other man, keeping up with him without difficulty. He was lead down a hallway and into one of the side conference rooms his eyes noting that this room seemed to be a little more intact than others. It had sustained minimal damage from the assault from Nero’s ship, which allowed him to distance himself from the sight of his new Captain leaning back against the cracked surface of the small bar, a glass of amber liquid already disappearing down his muscular throat. His throat…

Immediately the First Officer looked aside, focusing on one of the thick windows instead of the man before him, attempting to push aside the memory of his hands around that throat. However his attention was drawn back as the crystal of the glass made a resounding smack as it firmly smacked down onto the bar. Kirk was staring at him with a satisfied smile gracing his lips a look that should have caused annoyance but, oddly, his mind simply registered as endearing, causing him to frown slightly, the expression barely noticeable, or so he hoped.

“Did you wish to speak with me… Captain?” Spock finally questioned after a few moments of silence, lifting his chin slightly.

Kirk simply chuckled at that, gently pushing away from the bar in a fluid motion disguised by bravado; the Captain chose to waste his movements when he obviously didn’t need to which always perplexed him. “Yeah, Spock, I did.”

Spock folded his hands behind his back, standing perfectly straight, yet at ease. Suddenly the other man’s expression became serious, the injuries to his face seeming to accent and sharpen his features, drawing attention to his pale blue eyes. It caused him to tense a little despite himself, a reaction that he had to hide on his facial features as he forced himself to relax. The young man before him had an astonishing amount of charisma and intellect hidden beneath his arrogance and seemingly careless nature.

“…Sir?” The Vulcan finally questioned after a few more silent moments, seeming to jar the other man into speaking.

“Sorry. I just…” Kirk sighed a little, lifting a hand to rub the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “Apologizing isn’t really my forte but… What I said about your mother… I didn’t mean it.”

Spock stared for a long moment, borderline floored by the words that had passed Kirk’s lips. Of all the things he expected them to discuss, it was the actions that led Kirk to be their captain? He had turned out to be a highly competent man who, in the end, made the decision which saved Earth and destroyed Nero. The man before him had prevented a tragedy that he himself would have virtually allowed to happen, despite the methods he had used to do so.

“Thank you for your apology, Sir, but it isn’t necessary. I apologize for my outburst.” Spock murmured, bowing his head a little so as to not meet his Captain’s gaze.

“Your outburst…” Kirk mused softly, glancing out the window and drawing the officer’s attention. “I’ve never seen anyone snap quite like that. Guess you feel more than you let on.”

Spock waited silently for his Captain to continue, his form growing tenser with every passing second of silence between them. It was odd to see Kirk so still, so contemplative, when he was usually bursting with energy and never seemed to be at a loss for words. However now the other man’s posture was tense, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared out into the blackness of space, his eyes heavy lidded, seemingly lost in thought. It was a first for the First Officer, considering that every time he had interacted with Kirk he’d always had something to say, was always in motion, always going at ‘full-blast’ as the human expression went.

“Something’s been bothering me.” The Captain finally added, still staring out the window. “Something about that… Outburst.”

Every muscle in his body seemed to go tense at Kirk’s words, his heart rate accelerating at an alarming rate in something he could only identify as panic. Why did this particular subject seem to cause a whirlwind of confusion and shame in him whenever he thought of it? It made something in his gut clench almost painful though he refused to show it, forcing himself to breath normally, simply waiting for a tense moment for the other man to continue.

Finally Kirk moved, his head slowly turning to lock those almost icy blue eyes with the Vulcan’s, staring for a moment before slowly approaching. Against his will Spock felt himself tense, a thrill of something he could only identify as alarm sliding down his spine, causing him to swallow thickly. His captain must have noticed as he lifted a brow, stopping in front of him and lifting a brow, that smug amusement returning to his features. The commander was startled by his urge to wipe that smug look off the other man’s features, particularly by wrapping his hands around that muscled throat and…

“Do I bother you, Commander?” Kirk finally asked, jarring the Vulcan out of his thoughts. “You have permission to speak freely.”

“Thank you, Captain.” Spock responded slowly, wary of this sudden acceptance of his opinion. “I do not believe that ‘bother’ is an appropriate word.”

“What is an appropriate word, Commander?” Kirk questioned, folding his hands behind his back and looking almost more smug than usual.

The question sent his mind racing for a quick answer, to keep from showing his hesitance in front of his Captain. However he couldn’t freely speak his mind as it was too dangerous to both himself and his future career… Despite the permission to do just that. Why was Kirk digging for such answers from him at this time? Why was this important now when the other man was in command of the Enterprise?

“Sir, I’m not certain as to why you are you are making this inquiry.” He murmured instead, keeping their eyes locked.

Kirk chuckled at that before lifting a hand, seeming to absently rub his throat, though there was a knowing glint in his eyes.“Oh… I dunno. Just thought you… Might want to get something off your chest.”

There was that knowing, confident look on the other man’s face again, causing his eyes to narrow a little. It was as if the other man knew exactly what had gone through his mind in that moment in which he was choking Kirk. In that moment where he stared down at the man struggling to breath, his chest heaving, his cheeks flushing , brows knitting and eyes narrowing as he fought for breath. He felt himself swallowing thickly as he remembered the deep breath he had sucked in desperately, his back arching slightly as he was released.

“Are you implying something, Captain?” Spock finally questioned, staring down at the other man as he fought down his previous thoughts.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Spock. You may not have noticed it, but I felt it.” Kirk took a step forward, invading his First Officer’s personal space, his voice lowering to a whisper. “I felt you get hard when you were strangling me.”

For a moment Spock thought the blood in his veins had turned ice, thought his lungs had frozen as he stopped breathing, despite knowing that his expression was completely devoid of emotion still. His mind raced, attempting to recall that moment in attempt to confirm or deny his Captain’s words. He would have noticed such a revealing bodily reaction, wouldn’t he? Or perhaps it had dissipated in the wake of the horror and dread he had felt after the fact. How had Kirk noticed when he had been struggling for oxygen, struggling to get free?

“Not going to say anything, huh?” the Human questioned with that infuriating smirk still present on his lips.

Spock felt his eyes narrow a little, his hands flexing a little at his sides in frustrated anger. “I apologize, Captain.” “You apologize, huh?”

Kirk’s head tiled a little, his eyes moving down to look at the other man’s hands then back up to his First Officer’s face. “Feeling the urge to do it again? Want to choke me? Put me in my place?”

In reaction Spock took a step back and, despite it being very revealing, he took a steadying breath, glancing aside. “…Captain, I do not believe this discussion is relevant to my ability to serve upon the Enterprise.”

“No, Commander, you’re right. It’s not.” The Captain agreed, taking another step towards the other man, closing the distance again. “But it is very relevant to us. We just saved Earth, Spock, and survived multiple life or death situations. Doesn’t walking that line… Do anything to you?”

It did, more than he wanted to admit, but he simply stared out the black expanse outside the ship for a moment before slowly looking back to Kirk. “Sir, what are you suggesting?”

“Do it again.” Kirk requested, his eyes smoldering as he stared at the Vulcan before him. “I bet you’ve been thinking about it, haven’t you?”

Spock felt his mouth go dry at the demand, knowing his eyes widened a little in alarm at the prospect even as his eyes slid down to Kirk’s throat. He watched that chin lift, baring more of the soft flesh, watched the other man’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. Suddenly his pulse was thundering in his ears, his muscles aching from how tense and indecisive he felt. His hands flexed at his side as he suppressed the urge to do just as the other man wanted, his eyes slipping shut and his head turning aside.

“Why are you asking this of me, Sir?” he questioned, quietly, eyes slipping open to stare at a suddenly very interesting spot on the wall. “You are aware of my involvement with—“

“—Uhura, yeah, yeah. Spock this isn’t about romance.” Kirk interrupted, his expression now one of frustration bordering exasperation. “This is about us having a mutual… Need.”

Spock’s attention slowly turned back to Kirk, staring at him, his eyes mapping the other man’s features in a way he hadn’t done with any other male. His face still had bruising, cuts, abrasions and his clothing was still unofficial, rumpled and dirty. Kirk had endured more than anyone else on the Enterprise, all to ensure their safety, all to save the planet that was his home. He looked like a man who had looked death in the face and laughed, like a man who could endure anything and survive. It was the thought that this man had led them all to victory against a foe that they had all believed they stood no chance against that had him taking a half step closer, torn.

“…Do it, Spock.” Kirk breathed, swallowing thickly as they both stared at each other. “…Do it or go back to your post.”

Spock’s eyes narrowed a little at the command, taking another step forward, watching as the other man took a step back, conceding ground. Satisfaction rolled through him as the silence stretched and he slowly took step after step, backing his Captain up against the bar, noting the dilation of his eyes. Kirk’s lips were parted, his breathing accelerated, and it appeared that some redness was beginning to creep into his cheeks; it was all the proof he needed to show that no, this wasn’t a game. This wasn’t some sick joke being played on him by the young Captain of the Enterprise.

It was obvious when Kirk ran out of room, his heel thumping against the base of the bar and his back arching a little as the edge of bar top dug into his lower back. They both froze, staring at one another for a long moment before Spock shifted, pressing against the other man, unsurprised to find him to be hard, pressing against his thigh. It should have alarmed him, this desire to do something so violent, so _wrong_ on so many moral levels, but it didn’t. Not with this man who seemed to break every single rule that had ever been made.

“You realize what you are requesting?” Spock finally murmured his expression devoid of emotion as he stared into the darkening blue of his Captain’s eyes.

“Yes.” Kirk’s voice was rough with desire, his eyes hooding a little, his hands moving to brace against the bar top.

Almost immediately Spock’s hand shot out, gripping that tempting throat and slamming the other man back onto the bar. The Captain choked immediately, his hands shooting up to grip his wrists instinctively as his back collided with the top of the bar, knocking the breath out of him and causing him to gasp and choke, struggling for breath. After a long moment the Vulcan loosened his grip slightly, allowing Kirk to suck in a desperate lung full of air, his spine bowing, head tipping back and the exhale turning into a throaty moan. His eyes fluttered open to stare up at his First Officer before he gave a small smirk, licking his lips, tightening his grip a little on the wrists they held.

“Don’t… Ruin your pants.” Kirk gasped out, his voice already hoarse as his hands reached for the other man’s pants, quickly unfastening them before moving to undo his own.

As Spock slid one hand down to his own length, almost ashamed by his arousal, he suddenly tightened his hand on his Captain’s throat. Kirk gave a choked off groan, his hand moving quickly and without shame over his cock, his eyes clenching shut as he continued to struggle to breathe. With a quick swipe of his hand the Human shoved his shirt up, almost as an afterthought, his hand then moving back up to dig his fingers into Spock’s cloth-covered arm. His hips jerked as once again as he was allowed to draw breath again, his eyes rolling back into his head and Spock watched hungrily.

It was indescribably powerful feeling, having his commanding officer at his mercy, coaxing these horribly filthy yet wonderful reactions from his body. What they were doing should have been the opposite of pleasant, should have been frightening and horrific, but walking this razor’s edge seemed oddly appropriate for them, given their history. His eyes hungrily devoured the flushed face, the jerking of hips, the sheen of sweat on Kirk’s bared stomach and lower chest. He observed how different his body was from any woman’s, yet it still appealed to him. This would not be nearly as intoxicating, he noted, if it was a woman. In fact, it most likely would not be occurring at all if Kirk had been a woman and not a man; it was a rare woman that responded sexually to violence.

After a moment his curiosity got the better of him and he released the other man’s throat right as roughly pressed their mouths together. This could quite possibly be the only time he received a chance such as this and, since he had already gone this far, a simply kiss was nothing. Kirk practically whimpered into his mouth, his free hand lifting to fist in Spock’s hair as he struggled to take in oxygen through his nose. Every detail of the kiss Spock catalogued away; the chapped lips, the roughness of stubble as their chins brushed, the aggressiveness, the flavor… It was all distinctly male, all completely James Tiberius Kirk.

As the kiss broke they both sucked in air like men starved, his Captain moaning loudly and arching his back at the rush of oxygen returning to his lungs. The First Officer watched with heavy lidded eyes as the other man’s hips jerked once, twice, then Kirk’s back bowed and he let out of a strangled cry, spattering his chest with his release. It felt surreal to watch and, much to his surprise, the sight of the younger man slumping back onto the bar, his head rolling to the side, sent him over the edge as well. He released a choked off, startled sound of pleasure, coating his curled fingers and slumping a little, barely managing to brace himself over the Captain.

After a long, breathless moment Spock slowly pulled away to reach for a napkin from the dispenser on the side of the bar, wiping off his hand. Kirk was now staring at him with heavy lidded eyes, still struggling to regain his breath even as Spock took another napkin and wiped his belly down, depositing them in a waste disposal unit nearby. That done he froze, staring at the other man, feeling suddenly awkward in his own skin, alarm beginning rise in him.

However a soft chuckle drew his attention, his brows furrowing as he stared at the man sprawled carelessly on the bar still. Slowly Kirk sat up, grimacing a little before smirking at the Vulcan before him, reaching up to gently rub his abused neck. For a few, long moments both of them remained silent before the Human slid off the bar, carelessly tucking himself away and refastening his pants.

“ _Fuck._ ” Kirk breathed, slowly licking slightly swollen lips, something Spock admitted could be dismissed due to the Captain’s escapades recently. “That was…”

Silence fell between them again and, automatically, the Vulcan slid his hands behind his back, one gripping the other. A knowing smirk curved the Captain’s lips at the move as he began straightening his clothing, brushing off what he could. However he soon paused, taking a gallant stride towards his First Officer, still looking incredibly pleased with himself. This was, however, something that Spock noted as simply being the other man’s automatic expression and was to be expected.

“Now, go on, go check on Uhura like you were going to earlier.” Kirk instructed, gesturing vaguely to the door. “We’ll be back on Earth soon.”

“Captain?” Spock shot him a confused look, puzzled by the casual dismissal.

“Spock, don’t worry about it. Trying to logic your way through this is just a waste of time.”

To that he didn’t really have an answer so, after a moment of hesitation he slowly nodded. “I take my leave.”

Smirking again, Kirk turned to stare out at the expanse of stars, listening as the door opened and shut, signaling the departure of his First Officer. No, there would never be any form of romance between them. After all, they were two perfectly straight mean indulging in a dirty secret that neither really wanted to admit to anyone else. In those few stolen moments, however, he had felt closer to Spock than he had to anyone in a very long time.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first submission to this Fandom and to AO3. I probably will not be writing more, but thank you so much for reading. Let me know what you think. I love feedback.


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